Amy’s Gripping Commentary

(quoted from a work email)

I am part of a project at work which seems to be moving along ok, but the guy running it uses his computer mouse like he’s hovering over a sketchbook with a drawing pencil. Our meetings take place while we look at a projected computer screen, and as he reads parts of the documents or clicks on links or just thinks about pointing at something, his cursor is jittering all over the place and following text like that stupid bouncing ball under singalong lyrics, highlighting this and that, opening and closing links without actually looking at the page that is opened. I don’t know why it bugs me, but watching the screen makes me want to slap at a fly or something.

Sorry, still cranky from yesterday. I accidentally had double caffeine which I think contributed to that funk, but I’m feeling almost manic at this point. Riding my bike to work this morning helped as an energy outlet and I’ve been quite productive today, but still. Put the mouse down.

And heaven help you if you need to use one of the third floor bathrooms. The one I’m thinking of only has two stalls and is rather secluded, so everyone in the building sneaks up there for their, uh, longer bathroom breaks. Here I come from a nearby lab needing a quick potty break and the stench in there is pretty awful. Poop in your own areas, outsiders!

I’m distracted and not multi-tasking as well as usual. And my connection is not making me happy; browser windows keep freezing and sometimes when I try to close the offending one, I lose all the windows where I’m working. (Of course blogging instead is a great way to be productive. What is wrong with me?) One of my coworkers noticed I wasn’t myself today, and told me so while we were on the phone. He said I’m usually “a rock.” I almost answered that it’s due to PMS, which is absolutely true, but not something I like to announce on speakerphone at a Fortune 500 company. At least I haven’t completely lost the ability to monitor my internal monologue.

Solution: candy bar from the vending machine.

You KNOW I’m not myself when I post lolcats

Quit calling me! Everyone! Let me get some work done! grrrr

I was going to talk about my tour of a local recycling facility today, but I just feel like uploading pictures.

Rode to work Thursday and decided to take a new way home just to make it interesting. I discovered there is a reason I ride the normal, planned route. However, this excursion was entertaining to a degree.

Sarcastic dude on sidewalk: Hey, how far have you rode?
Someone in passing car: Get on the sidewalk!
Shirtless skinny guy on front porch scratching his armpit: Hey, your light’s on
Out the window of passing car: Wooooooo

My current setup, having transferred lights and rack from the old bike. I need to adjust the rack angle and get the computer installed. Walt thought my bike smelled interesting and he licked the tires when I got home. I need a better system to haul my laptop so the rear bag doesn’t get so bulky, but the reusable bags work great for a change of clothes and some papers.

Ewwww. Our water cooler at work has an algae problem. You should see the inside of the spigot area, which we can’t get to to clean. I do clean this accessible part now and then.

Artesian bread: local Marsh supermarket sign. I was thrilled that a previous shopper had corrected the sign to “Artisan” for me! I had to mess with the contrast to enable you to see this correction due to poor camera phone performance.

Hey, it’s Talk Like a Pirate Day already! The last one seems like just yesterday. Get your pirate name generated! That’s how I came to be the Eve in the post title.

Reprinting my joke from my 2006 observation of this date:

A pirate walks into a bar. He’s got the huge steering wheel of his ship hanging from his belt buckle! The bartender notices this and says, “Matey! Ya know ya got the steering wheel of a ship hangin’ from yer belt buckle thar?”

And the Pirate replies, “AAAYYEE! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

(Thanks Kat for the joke!)

This commercial is hilarious. Because of the amount of bleeping, it’s probably NSFW, but if you wear headphones it should be fine.

Look who Dawn caught!

This little bunny was running loose in a westside Indianapolis neighborhood. Homeowners called us after the little stray ate their flowers and camped out for a few days, so we brought out a posse and some folding fences and Dawn played predator, nabbing Tegan when she hopped out from under the deck where she’d been hanging out. Tegan saw the vet, who says she’s been outside at least a month (based on her teeth, which look different since she’s been foraging rather than eating a pelleted diet), and we’re trying to figure out what caused bumps and scabs all over her body. Vet’s best guess is that she got in a nest of seed ticks and is still healing.

In even worse news of local people being irresponsible with their pets, someone dumped a domestic rabbit into a pen where two Rottweilers were living, presumably to watch the show. Why else would someone put a rabbit in a Rottie pen? Fortunately the dogs just barked and the dogs’ owner saved the bunny. People are rotten.

We’ll lighten things up a bit:

Think it’s silly that you can’t buy beer on Sunday in Hoosierland? More than 10,000 Hoosiers have signed Hoosiers for Beverage Choices’ online petition to legislators to request updates to the liquor laws.

My aunt’s new dog from the pound, Annie. My mom was going to adopt her, decided the time wasn’t right, and my aunt had decided she wanted her instead!

Annie and Sophie (doggie sisters) in an action shot

Dad was a secret doggie lover all along

Dad and Mom have adopted a new doggie too now, but if they don’t send me pictures…

While I doubt this is a “Happy Chicken,” it’s one of the more realistic restaurant signs I guess. Most would show an actually happy-looking chicken, not one plucked and jumping on a flaming grill (with sombrero and cowboy boots, of course). This sign has freaked me out for years.

The big claws taking down a building at work, one chunk at a time

This sign is so old and the building has been torn down for some time that I wonder why the letters look so recent (can they not spell, or did the C blow away and the other letters blow together?). The annoying part is the brand new building someone is putting here in an already dead section of town with plenty of boarded up buildings they could use instead. I have a real problem with the double whammy of using all those resources AND not taking the opportunity to address urban blight.

That’s about it. Labor Day weekend so far: gym, gave blood, looked at bikes, LONG nap. To come: painting, mowing, Petco-ing, and hopefully more naps and less of work calling me.

Wristies!

I get quizzed a lot about these. I wear them ALL the time at work because my hands are always cold, especially the mousing hand. My mom then knitted a couple pair too! I also bought them for a coworker one year since she was always cold.

And no, that’s not me in the picture, but it looks like one I might take. It even looks like my Where’s Waldo turtleneck that everyone hated but I loved. They hated the pink and navy striped one more, though.

Anyway, there is a rare sale on them. All in stock items are 15% off through September 1. Apply the code LABOR2008 at checkout at wristies.com. Good luck navigating the website… they also sell through third parties so you may have seen them elsewhere.

I also saw a similar item in the Athleta catalog recently if you want to be trendier and broker.

And now a few pictures from an 18ish-mile ride the other day after work on the White River Trail and back down Central through the hood. I discovered later that my tires are way low on air which might explain why the bike felt even heavier than usual.

And finally, more proof that people who make and paint signs are often idiots. (Right under the WANTED part in case you aren’t drawn to it immediately like I was.)

Another good one from Samsara! Except that link isn’t including her meme for some reason. After I posted it and traced it back I discovered it was meant to be all-veg stuff, so I guess I’d eat haggis, etc, in that format, but should you really recreate stuffed intestines?

1) Copy this list into your own blog, including these instructions
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
(I removed cross-tagging instructions… who has time for that?)

1. Natto
2. Green Smoothie
3. Tofu Scramble
4. Haggis
5. Mangosteen
6. Creme brulee
7. Fondue
8. Marmite/Vegemite
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Nachos
12. Authentic soba noodles
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Taco from a street cart
16. Boba Tea
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Gyoza
20. Vanilla ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Ceviche
24. Rice and beans
25. Knish
26. Raw scotch bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Caviar I’ve had roe, though, pre-veg
29. Baklava
30. Pate (though in the more general sense, I’ve eaten vegetable pates… I just assumed they meant some tortured goose’s liver)
31. Wasabi peas
32. Chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Mango lassi
34. Sauerkraut that smell makes me want to barf
35. Root beer float
36. Mulled cider
37. Scones with buttery spread and jam
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo
40. Fast food french fries
41. Raw Brownies
42. Fresh Garbanzo Beans
43. Dahl
44. Homemade Soymilk
45. Wine from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Stroopwafle
47. Samosas Last night for dinner! Love these. Of course I ate these for dinner because the vegetable dishes at the family party managed not to be veg*n…
48. Vegetable Sushi
49. Glazed doughnut
50. Seaweed
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Tofurkey
54. Sheese (a different brand anyway)
55. Cotton candy
56. Gnocchi eh
57. Piña colada
58. Birch beer
59. Scrapple
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Soy curls
63. Chickpea cutlets but not the much-touted ones of a recent cookbook
64. Curry
65. Durian
66. Homemade Sausages
67. Churros, elephant ears, or funnel cake
68. Smoked tofu
69. Fried plantain
70. Mochi
71. Gazpacho
72. Warm chocolate chip cookies
73. Absinthe
74. Corn on the cob
75. Whipped cream, straight from the can
76. Pomegranate
77. Fauxstess Cupcake
78. Mashed potatoes with gravy
79. Jerky just got a soy jerky the other day–yum!
80. Croissants
81. French onion soup
82. Savory crepes
83. Tings
84. A meal at Candle 79 I wish
85. Moussaka
86. Sprouted grains or seeds
87. Macaroni and “cheese”
88. Flowers
89. Matzoh ball soup
90. White chocolate
91. Seitan
92. Kimchi My Korean-American roomie in college ate this… sorry, it’s stinky!
93. Butterscotch chips
94. Yellow watermelon
95. Chili with chocolate
96. Bagel and Tofutti
97. Potato milk
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Raw cookie dough I think they’ll have this in the good-themed-afterlife I hope to go to

I just put together a self-inking stamp with tiny letters, allowing you to customize your message (I was making a boring protocol number for a document appendix). Shortly after, I examined all the black smudges on my fingers. One finger actually says O P P. hehehhe

Got this from Samsara

1. My uncle once: had a new heart transplanted
2. Never in my life: have I been able to dive
3. When I was five: I liked to read and draw
4. High school was: full of really smart kids
5. I will never forget: getting fired
6. Once I met: my college dean’s basement pinball machine collection
7. There’s this girl I know: who was on Sesame Street
8. Once, at a bar: I kissed my boss
9. By noon, I’m usually: finally awake enough to be productive
10. Last night: we watched the U.S. women’s eight win a gold medal while we ate sushi
11. If only I had: been emotionally available about ten years earlier
12. Next time I go to church: it’ll probably be because someone is dead
13. What worries me most: is people being mean to each other and the planet
14. When I turn my head left I see: David playing the Olympic fanfare on the piano
15. When I turn my head to the right I see: Casper sacked out
16. You know I’m lying when: I say I’ll call you to go out and do something (most people anyway… but I try really hard not to lie)
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: how the biggest problem in school was if the boys were allowed to wear an earring
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Emma Thompson! Oh, that was just a movie
19. By this time next year: my rabbits will be bonded
20. A better name for me would be: Arrogant elitist liberal? At least that’s what I heard today
21. I have a hard time understanding: the desire for shoes and purses. And makeup.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: never get rid of my school loans
23. You know I like you if: I tell someone else about you
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: Casper
25. Take my advice, never: need to replace all your teeth
26. My ideal breakfast is: skipping it and sleeping in
27. A song I love but do not have is: I already stole them all from Napster
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: raft down the river
29. Why won’t people: stop pitching cigarette butts out the window
30. If you spend a night at my house: you’d better like dog hair
31. I’d stop my wedding for: a stray dog
32. The world could do without: the fashion industry guns
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: be a telemarketer
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: I don’t like blonde hair
35. Paper clips are more useful than: shoehorns
36. If I do anything well it’s: remember a lot of stupid little things like gas prices and the content of a study someone wrote at work eight months ago and how many calories a Taco Bell bean burrito has
37. I can’t help but: point out mistakes in grammar and spelling
38. I usually cry: for some stupid hormonal reason
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: help those without a voice
40. And by the way: I heard about two hoarding cases today. Fort Wayne: 53 animals, from dogs to lizards. Tennessee: 119 minilops.

David called on his way to a client’s house. “Well, I finally did something I always thought I’d screw up. Every time I think, Hey, don’t forget to do this stupid thing you’re going to forget to do. How many garbage disposals have I installed? About {large number which shall remain undisclosed}? Yeah, that’s right, about the same number of women I’ve slept with.”

This is how I found out the Previous Number of Partners. We haven’t really been interested in discussing the numbers in the last four-plus years.

It was actually pretty funny, since he just kept going about how he apparently forgot to remove an inlet plug and the client called to say the recently-installed disposal wasn’t working, and of course I was at work at the time, which prompted all the guys in our trailer to start discussing this way of relating previous partners to appliance installations, does he give discounts, etc. Meanwhile I was listening to our CEO’s voicemail about quarterly earnings, which I had to replay since all this discussion kept interrupting.

When I told Nicole later, she admitted she had only installed one garbage disposal and forgot to remove the inlet plug too. I thought this was a sweet euphemistic commitment to her husband, to which she replied, Oh puke.

Update on the Six Pound Challenge: It’s still six to go but in a lot less than six weeks since I regained a couple pounds! Oops.

Hey Matt! Check this out.

I still know all the words… I remember traveling to a school in Columbus to stay overnight for the yearly convention of the Little Hoosiers. Mrs. Chambers was our sponsor, and she was in her 40s and had braces. We made Indiana-shaped cookies at some club meetings and went to Feast of the Hunter’s Moon (would you believe I bought a rabbit pelt?) and Council Oak and Pierre Navarre Days. I was the secretary at least one year. I wasn’t popular enough to be President. We had a Sergeant-at-Arms too, but it’s not like elementary kids were that rowdy in the 80s. However, this is a mimeographed paper, and the room where they made the mimeos was also where they paddled the bad kids. Good old Nuner school.

I believe I still have my blue History Is Fun shirt from the club. I’ll have to find that.

Also in old-school coolness:

Found my old sticker collection! It includes Garbage Pail Kids and a Michael Jackson sticker that came from a gumball machine.

Pizza Tyme sponsored my dad’s slow pitch softball team. We’d head down to the city parks to watch his games (or rather play in the park with the other players’ kids) and then go to Pizza Tyme afterward and say “Put it on my dad’s tab” to get all the Mountain Dew and pizza we wanted. We played Gorgon pinball, and on the jukebox was Eye of the Tiger, Beat It, Thriller, I Just Called To Say I Love You, and Elvira. I miss Pizza Tyme. It was on the Memorial Day parade route, too, which we went to every year.

One time I got sand in my eye at the playground and had to go to the hospital to get it out. And I remember driving to a game in the new Green Bomber, a crummy old green Buick my dad bought from the neighbor’s son that had to be hit in just the right spot to get out the passenger door. I thought it had a “new car smell” because it was new to me!

Proof!
Week zero:

Week one:

Note my Teva-farmer-tanned feet and my pink capri jammies with turtles. That’s our very unfinished basement bathroom.

Of course tonight David discovered I have cellulite when I sit a certain way. I can’t believe this is its first appearance in the last four years. Ah well.

This man is in denial about his baldness:

Walt snoozes on my pillow on the couch. He’s not supposed to be up there.

I took the dogs out on the front porch last week. They really enjoyed watching the world go by. Now you can see why we need to paint the porch–we are not responsible for (nor can we remove) that seafoam green.

Sorry for the dim lighting… Harry the big bun met the pups a few days ago. He jumped away when Walt licked his nose.